Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Joe Bob Briggs and Nail Gun Massacre

I went and saw Nail Gun Massacre http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/nail_gun_massacre/ at the Grapevine Convention Center, with Joe Bob Briggs http://www.joebobbriggs.com/index2.asp in attendance for a Q and A with the lead actor Rocky Peterson and director Terry Lofton. Sitting thorough Nail Gun Massacre proved more difficult than I had previously estimated. When the film dragged, I enjoyed a diet Sprite out on a couch in the lovely reception area. You wouldn’t expect a movie with the name Nail Gun Massacre to be slowly paced, but there’s always some filler to get the 90-minute commercial release. And it gave me some time to familiarize myself with the five thousand square foot facility, ask the security guard for the score in the Super Bowl, and skim the Verizon Yellow Pages for other scenic attractions of Northwest Dallas.
When the screening finished, Joe Bob did not disappoint with some funny lines about production quality and the like. I missed an opportunity, however. I wanted to ask John Bloom if he ever had any misgivings about the creation of the Joe Bob persona. People still refer to him as Joe Bob, and it makes you wonder. Journalism by John Bloom still turns up. He wrote an excellent piece for D magazine about televangelist Benny Hinn a few years ago, and his work from the days of the Dallas Times Herald is still honored whenever the subject of that now defunct paper arises. Also, John Bloom’s voice can still be found on the Joe Bob web site. http://www.joebobbriggs.com/bloom.asp
The questions were surprisingly serious, about plot points, and the possibility of a second Nail Gun Massacrer in the woods. I rule this out on the grounds that they didn’t have the budget for a second motorcycle helmet wrapped with electrical tape.
The director Terry Lofton shared several entertaining stories about the screening, including accidentally shooting some scenes downfield from a firing range. Note to aspiring film directors, do not use live ammunition in the making of your movie.
I also wanted to know where the hell you get the fifty thousand dollars you need to make Nail Gun Massacre. What financial institution throws its weight behind Nail Gun Massacre? What banker cancels the Peterson’s application for a mortgage, and Johnny Undergraduate’s student loan so he can free up the financial muscle for Nail Gun Massacre? It must be a tax write off.
Either that, or the curious casting of grandma as the store clerk, grandma and her pension account, might explain the funding issues. There was a scene in which an old woman is making small talk while selling some groceries. Terry said it was his grandma. Terry also pointed out that she’s reading from a copy of the script on the counter, in plain view no less.
Nail Gun Massacre is on DVD. Two Breasts, eight dead bodies. Gratuitous Coppertone tanned, white assed man aardvarking his girlfriend against a tree. Gratuitous nail gun fu. Gravel pit fu. Drive in academy award nomination to Joe Bob Briggs for saying in the Q and A session, “Well, it looks like you’ve got your cast for Nail Gun Massacre 2 right here in this room.” Four stars. Mr. Puddinghead Ebola Virus says check it out.

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